Please, let me fuck your mom
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
