so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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