I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
