My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize