mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
