Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
