You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
