come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
