When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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