I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you mean i was at the winter classic?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
