i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
