Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
