You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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