Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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