Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
