Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
