i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
