I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
