if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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