i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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