I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
