so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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