i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize