I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
