dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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