Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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