I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
