I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
