Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
