just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
