OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
