there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is my gift to your gina
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize