remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
