i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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