I think I just saw someone hide a body.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize