He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
