So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
