i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
drinking out of a sandbucket again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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