butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
