i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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