Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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