Sry I called you an 8
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
