had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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