I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sobbing to NWA
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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