I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
