We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
