he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
