where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
