Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
