I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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