OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
