watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize