this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
