it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Congratulations! We have a period
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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