I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
