have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
