help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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