someone get that fucking seahorse.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
