sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
