you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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