just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize