it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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