she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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