I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
