he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
