don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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