pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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