Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
