The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
